recklessly abandoned

During my few weeks of summer at home we drove hours up and down the roads through mountains and fields and forests and endless miles of construction zones, to visit friends and family and go to work and drop others off at the airport.  Chipper K-Love radio music followed us up and up until it finally faded to North Country Public Radio and French talk shows, then found the car as we headed south again back down to the airport a few days later. 

It was on one of these road trips that I first heard the song, playing softly under the chatter of catching up on life after a year away, in the background of discussions on plans and hopes and dreams.

“Recklessly abandoned, never holding back.” 

The lyrics wormed into my thoughts and refused to leave.  Reckless abandonment, with its negative connotations of gambling and bad parenting, could also be a desirable goal.  Wait...what?

I began to question what it would look like to live like that.  I had the sudden image of hang gliding off of a tall ocean cliff - there is no safety in faltering during the launch.  Reckless abandonment is the rush of the free-fall after a jump before the harness jerks you back to reality.   It’s the sure pursuit of a dream despite failure, the swift cut of a surgeon’s knife, and speeding up to lean into a sharp turn on a motorcycle.  It’s giving away water to the thirsty until I don’t have any left for myself.

It’s living my life as if it wasn’t mine, making the most of every moment without a thought for potential failure.  There is freedom in this.

We're halfway through another sail back to Africa, with the gentle rise and fall of endless blue outside my window and the sun swallowed up in haze every night.  Life moves more slowly - not because there is less to do, but because no matter what I do we aren't getting to land any sooner.  My world has temporarily shrunk to 499 feet and 8 decks of steel.

Like a New Year's resolution, it's a moment to stop and think what the last year has been, and what the next year will be.  It will be amazing and challenging and hard and wonderful, but the point is not what I will see or how it makes me feel.

What matters is how I respond.

I wanna live like that


And give it all I have


So that everything

I say and do


Points to You


If love is who I am


Then this is where I’ll stand


Recklessly abandoned


Never holding back


I wanna live like that    ~ Sidewalk Prophets

This idea has challenged me, gripping my heart until I’ve joyfully agreed.  This is where I stand.  My goals for Guinea start with reckless abandonment, until everything I say and do points to Christ…

I wanna live like that.